Almost every Dota player dreams of having a high MMR. After all, the higher the MMR, the better the quality of play and the more enjoyable each game becomes. Plus, with the amount of money being thrown around as prizes these days, it certainly isn’t that bad of an idea to try to break through the pro ranks. But, regardless of MMR, there are certain experiences that will ring true for each player. There’ll always be throwers, upsets and amazing comebacks, as well as the occasional squabble on who gets to play mid, and so on.
Whether you’ve wanted to hug them after a hard-fought victory, or curse them till your lungs give out for giving you your nth loss of the day, you’re sure to have encountered each and every one of these players while playing Dota.
The Random Player
So, you boot up Dota 2, feel absolutely awesome, like you’re about to stomp your way through your opponents and earn yourself another +25 on your MMR. But, halfway through the draft, here comes someone who suddenly does a random, and gets a meepo.
A f*cking meepo.
Now, we don’t really hate meepo here. We love him. He’s an adorable hero, and a game-changing one at that. But, only when in the right hands.
What’s most likely to happen when someone randoms meepo is that you’re better off quitting the game right there and then.
Seriously, it’s a ranked match, which means that drafting is actually taken seriously. If you want to go random, do it in a normal game, or against bots, or whatever, just don’t do it in a ranked match.
There’s a special place in hell for people who do that.
Yey! Somebody picked Zeus! Better yet, someone actually played a support and went with a Lion, or a Lina. Either of these heroes will surely make you rejoice, especially in lower MMR tiers. But, don’t celebrate just yet. Chances are, these heroes were chosen for a reason and that’s because they’re great for killstealing.
Please, don’t even get us started in helping secure the kill. Who’re you kidding?
The Perfect Player
These are some of the most annoying f*ckers ever to play Dota 2. They believe that they’re really good and nothing, and I mean nothing, is their fault, at all. If they die while jungling, it’s because there weren’t any deep wards, or somebody forgot to report. If the team gets wiped out, it’s because the supports didn’t do their job. These players are so delusional that if they ever get killed once or twice in the first five minutes, they believe that the team will actually lose automatically, and if the team does win, they take all the credit, even if their Alchemist ended the game with a 0-10-3 record with boots, and a few tangos.
The Sad Support
These are the nice guys of Dota 2. They’ll always pick a support, even when the other four players have gone on to select carries and fight over who goes mid. If you ever come across one, do your best to win the game. It’s the least you can do for these unicorns.
The Farming Support
From the nice guys of Dota 2, we go to the worst ones.
These are the people that pick supports, and builds luxury items, or at least tries to. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of luxury every now and then. But, when you’re a support player, act like it!
Dazzle doesn’t need to win every last hit to build power treads before the 5-minute mark!
Crystal Maiden can survive just fine with boots of regeneration and observer wards for the first 10 minutes of the game!
Your team will do just fine with you having little to no items as long as you place wards and do your job right! So, instead of trying to frustratingly prove that you’re an excellent last hitter, do your teammates a favor and harass, pull the lane, and of course, buy some wards.
Stick to your job and your team will win. Besides, it’s not like farming will help your Crystal Maiden out DPS carries such as Lifestealer.
The Mid or Feed
You’ll often see this in lower MMR tiers, but this apparently happens every now and then even in the higher ones. Either way, these people are so stubborn that you’d think they were programmed to play just mid forever.
The best way to tell if someone is a “mid or feed” is when they position their hero icon mid right at the start of the draft and insist on picking last. Even worse is that they’ll ping more than the rest of your team combined and actually blame all four of you each time they die.
Of course, some of these are actually pretty good and just want to assure a win so they want to go mid at all costs. But, there’s probably a 1 out of 10 chance of happening. This means that 90% of the time, you’re going to get a “mid or feed” player that’s going to be doing more of the latter than helping your team win the game.
The One That Had Too Much Coffee
Nobody’s perfect. Even pros misclick and accidentally pop their TPs mid scroll every now and then. For the most part, though, such incidents are rare. But, the same can’t be said for these types of players.
We’re not exactly sure that these people have had too much coffee to drink, but the way they’re playing makes you think that might be the case. Using their abilities on the wrong target, moving while using a channeling spell, using a TP scroll instead of blinking, the list goes on and on and on.
While you can’t really fault them for trying, it’s just frustrating that you find yourself on the same team as someone who’s good enough to hit a perfect five man Black Hole, but also bad enough to actually cancel it because they panicked.
These are only but a few types of Dota players that we’ve observed in our hundreds of hours of playtime.
If you know of other types of players that belong on this list, be sure to let us know in the comments down below!
Written by Ray Ian Ampoloquio